The reasons I am not in a relationship are remarkably similar to the reasons I don't have a better job. There isn't a fuck of a lot open right this second.
That is, there are jobs - and men - available but nothing worth getting out of bed on my day off.
I spent the evening on a dating website. You know, for research purposes.
From an actual ad on OkCupid:
"I don't belive in judgeing u or looking down on ya I don't care about ya past I don't look at skin color it ya heart and feelings that I'm whanting too respect and be kool with.I don't cheat,lie or play games I'm romantic and honest like too joke have fun not jelious.I'm real loyal,I like to laugh..."
That is what is out there. Also? This:
"you want a single man that dont believe in cheating and if your after money pass me by roofing is to slow in the cold im bout broke"
And this little gem:
"Right now im at a impass in my life. i dont know what i want to do. my biges consiren is finsh hight school.ya i was VERY wilded in my young years, but hay iv mellow alot. within the next five years I WILL OUN MY OUN BUINESS."
Dude? Your "biges consiren" should be literacy.
It is good to know that I'm not desperate. And that I'm such a judgmental bitch.
There were a few guys whose profiles didn't incite mockery... out of the 50 or so I looked at tonight there were two. That's 4% y'all.
Of the 50 only about ten listed anything under "books," and half of those mentioned they hadn't had time to read. One listed reading as a "new hobby" and one said he'd been "meaning to read." I'm not sure what that means. That he can't read? That he wants to be a reader because it sounds smarter but he couldn't actually name a book?
These are my options? This is why I should pay more attention to the hair on my legs?
Honestly, the current dating pool added to my past experience is exactly why I have confined my romantic life to the unavailable men. Were just going to skim over the unavailable men part of my life for now... I'm trying to fix this, but there are certain benefits to the clear lines and boundaries of relationships that can't move in any direction.
Other than online, where do you go to meet potential partners? Bars are not an option, it just seems hypocritical in my case. I have learned that dating men from work is not a good idea... not to mention that there are six, maybe seven men who work with me... all are married except two: one who is gay and one who has "dedicated his life to the Lord" and no longer believes in premarital sex. I have given up a lot for men, but never (ever) have I given up sex. (And Jesus wants me to get laid. I promise).
In terms of relationships I really do feel stuck. I do feel that just wanting a relationship is an important step for me - during the last year with Jeff I couldn't imagine ever letting myself be vulnerable to another human being again. Now I think I'm ready to have a crush on someone who is actually available to date. If I can just find him.